jcv1:

Siri likes it when I talk dirty to her.

"Negging". Gross.

jcv1:

Siri likes it when I talk dirty to her.

"Negging". Gross.

Self-awareness

If you ask me, my favorite things are traveling, exercise and red wine. If you ask Annalisa, my favorite things are Star Wars novels, Daredevil comics and LucasArts adventure games from the 90’s. Self-awareness is an important trait that I only sometimes achieve.

Dark gritty Hook reboot: The Hook

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Annalisa and I stayed up way too late last night casting our Hook reboot, tentatively titled The Hook. It’s going to be stupendously dark and gritty. Get in touch Hollywood. We are accepting bids.

The Titular Hook: Robert Downey Jr.
I think this ultimately came down to Downey’s excellent use of goatee. I originally wanted him for Peter Pan but Annalisa was adamant that, not only does his goatee disqualifies him as Pan but also makes him a very strong choice for Hook. But he’s fun and dynamic and I’d like to see him act with a little bit of menace as a bad guy. He already has a good relationship with Disney and this is obviously going to be a Disney production.
Runners up: Johnny Depp (too obvious), Robin Williams (too confusing), Bill Murray (too mellow), Jason Statham (too good at karate kicking), Ralph Fiennes (too evil due to Voldemort associations and also due to pronouncing Ralph so weird).

Peter Pan: Ryan Gosling
We’ve obviously made him younger (which we can do because it’s a reboot and it’s our movie, Hook fanboys), but we believe in Gosling and think he can be a convincing middle aged sad dad, especially if you put him in some stonewashed dad jeans. We know from his Mouseketeer days that he can dance around and probably crow and stuff. We know that he can fly from that time he hung on the ferris wheel in the Notebook.
Runners up: Tim Riggins (too rugged and also his name will forever be Tim Riggins. I won’t even acknowledge his real name), Dakota Fanning (too young), Justin Timberlake (too cool), Shia LaBeouf (too Shia), Mark Wahlburg (too many muscles and we weren’t convinced he could pull a Christian Bale and get skinny), Will Smith (too After Earth), Robert Downey Jr. (too much goatee), Woody Harrelson (too unlikeable according to Annalisa), Matthew McConaughey (too hot right now), Robert Pattinson (too broody), Vin Diesel (too many neck rolls), Daniel Radcliffe (too young), Peter Gallagher aka Sandy Cohen aka Best TV Dad Ever (too much eyebrows).

Wendy: Rachel McAdams
McAdams barely barely won this over Amy Adams because of her proven chemistry with Gosling. Also, Amy Adams is in literally every single movie and Rachel McAdams is not in nearly enough movies.
Runners up: Amy Adams (see above), Dakota Fanning (too young), Meryl Streep (too much Julia Childs voice to ever trust again), Cameron Diaz (too much Ashton Kutcher).

Tinkerbell: Dakota Fanning
We basically just needed to get Fanning in this movie.
Runners up: Zooey Deschanel (too much brown hair, this was a huge point of contention because she was blond in Elf but Annalisa wasn’t buying her. At this point we had like a 20 minute digression about what a pixie is.).

Tigerlilly: Selena Gomez
Ever since Bieber got carried on the Great Wall of China and peed in a bucket and said ‘Fuck Bill Clinton’, we are staunchly Team Selena. We want Selena Gomez to do big things in her post-Bieber career so we’re taking a chance here. We believe in you Selena!
Runner up: Dakota Fanning (already cast as Tinkerbell).

Director: Steven Speilberg
I wanted David Fincher but Annalisa didn’t know who that was, so we settled on Spielberg doing the unprecedented and directing the reboot to his own movie. #innovation, you guys.
Runner up: David Fincher (too unknown apparently).

The Lost Boys: Shia LaBeouf, Zac Efron, Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Justin Timberlake, Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey and Macaulay Culkin.
This sort of started as the place where we could cast the guys who didn’t make the cut as Peter Pan, but then we realized we were inadvertently getting the cast of That Awkward Moment back together and also the upcoming Fantastic Four. Then we just started making a group of fun guys we want to hang out with. They are all too old but we don’t care. Also, Macaulay Culkin. He’s clearly Rufio. Imagine this: we meet all the Lost Boys, they’re all big names, the crowd loves it, but who is Rufio? We haven’t seen Rufio yet! Who could top all these other leading men? We’re about to reveal Rufio, all the other Lost Boys are chanting ‘RU-FI-O, RU-FI-O’, and he appears above everyone else on his zipline or whatever and he’s mother flipping Macaulay Culkin and he’s carrying a lovely cheese pizza just for himself. The movie theater crowd goes wild. We think it will test very well in the 18-29 demographic. 
Runner up: Buzz’s girlfriend. Woof.

The Best Things I Read This Week, March 23-30

Reading a lot and often is one way I get better at my job. As such I end up reading some excellent stuff and I want to share the goods every week. (Using these Amazon links supports this site some small amount.)

Internet Websites:

Jonathan Gold Gave Me Crohn’s Disease by Ken Baumann
I have Crohn’s disease. I hate it and sometimes it makes me hate my body. In this article, Ken Baumann writes about his experiences with the disease with the sort of levity that’s really the only way to write about it without being a miserable human being. I just ordered a book from Boss Fight Books by Baumann and about Earthbound. Apparently we share a disease and a thoughtful love of video games.

This American Bro: A Portrait of the Worst Guy Ever by John Saward
"The world has two purposes for him: He fucks things, and he fucks things up. He brings things to ruins." We all know this guy. I went to college with a whole bunch of this guy. Fun writing, too.

Building the Next Pixar by Evie Nagy
Everyone likes Pixar and sort of holds Pixar in this exalted place where their processes and people and output is almost mythical. This article will not change that perception.

Comics:

Incredible Hulk: Planet Hulk by Greg Pak, Carlo PagulayanAaron Lopresti and Juan Santacruz
Hulk is exiled to an alien planet against his will by Iron Man and Reed Richards and some other heroes ostensibly so he could be left alone. Turns out, the planet is not so serene. Long story short, Hulk gets sold into slavery and smashes a lot of stuff. It’s one of the only Hulk books I’ve read and it’s interesting how much Hulk as Hulk hates Bruce Banner. Plus tons of fighting and cool aliens.

Fantastic Four Vol.1: New Departures, New Arrivals by Matt Fraction and Mark Bagley 
Matt Fraction is one of the best. So far I really like his take on the Fantastic Four and their four-minute long replacements, the FF. There’s an old Human Torch, a sort of emo Ant Man, a the Thing suit, some very well-characterized Future Foundation kids, lots of fun stuff here. Bagley’s art is interesting too. It’s bold and simple, almost childlike, but still very emotive and effective. Goes very well with the Fraction’s kind-of-bananas story and takes on the characters.

Tekkon Kinkreet / Black & White by Taiyo Matsumoto
I left this here for another week because it continues to be so darn good. Sam and Hannah gave me Black & White for my birthday. I’m reading it super slowly to savor it. Just tremendous and very very different from the mostly American comic books I read.

Actual Reading Books For Grownup Adults:

Live From New York by Tom Shales
Still working on this too. Still enjoying it. An oral history of Saturday Night Live. I’m about a quarter in and already I’ve learned that the Muppets came from Saturday Night Live, Bill Murray and Chevy Chase got into a fistfight the first time Chevy hosted the show and Al Franken used a doll to pretend to fall on and kill his newborn baby in front of a room full of relatives.

Dedication.

If nothing else I do follow through.

The Best Things I Read This Week, March 16-22, 2014

Reading a lot and often is one way I get better at my job. As such I end up reading some excellent stuff. I want to start sharing the goods every week. (Using these Amazon links support this site a very small amount.)

Internet Websites:

Wu-Tang, Atomically by Amos Barshad
"But nah. These dudes — we like robots, man. I run with the crew that’s the eagle, you know what I mean? We was almost the Beatles. But we had more Beatles, though." - Raekwon talking about the Wu Tang Clan is just the greatest.

Career Rocket Fuel: Whether You’re A Millenial Or Eyeing Retirement, Here’s What You Really Need To Get Right About Work by Brian Fetherstronhaugh
Usually these ‘GUARANTEED SUCCES IN YOUR CHOSEN CAREER PATH’ articles can be tiresome, but this is great. And if nothing else, it will help you remember how long our careers are.

The Workout Artist by Ben Dolnick
I haven’t done his Focus T25 workout, but I did go through one full cycle of Insanity and it is true that Shaun T is just the greatest.

Relationship Blues by Tom Bissell
It’s Mass Effect 3 and it’s Tom Bissell. I keep Tom Bissell books around strategically just to pick them up and read a page here and there for inspiration. He’s a national treasure and I wish he was still writing about video games.

Comics:

Morning Glories Vol. 3 by Nick Spencer, Joe Eisma and Rodin Esquejo
Spencer describes this series as Lost meets the Runaways, and he’s not lying. I don’t love the art but the story is intriguingly convoluted.

Batman Vol 3: Death of the Family (New 52) by Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo
I go back and forth on Batman comics, but I’m enjoying this Snyder run for the New 52. Vol. 3 tells one of the best Joker stories, probably ever.

Tekkon Kinkreet / Black & White by Taiyo Matsumoto
Sam and Hannah gave me Black & White for my birthday. I’m reading it super slowly to savor it. Just tremendous and very very different from the mostly American comic books I read.

Actual Reading Books For Grownup Adults:

Live From New York by Tom Shales
An oral history of Saturday Night Live. I’m about a quarter in and already I’ve learned that the Muppets came from Saturday Night Live, Bill Murray and Chevy Chase got into a fistfight the first time Chevy hosted the show and Al Franken used a doll to pretend to fall on and kill his newborn baby in front of a room full of relatives.

New Spaceman Episode

There’s a episode of Spaceman, a podcast about video games and the ways they affect our lives. Listen, subscribe and rate and share if you would be so kind. This one turned out well. 

Spaceman 006: Assassin’s Creed IV Black Flag

New notebook day today for me. There was at least one good idea in this one.

jcv1:

Retirement. #fieldnotes

New notebook day today for me. There was at least one good idea in this one.

jcv1:

Retirement. #fieldnotes

Things in the first six episodes of Black Sails that you may or may not be excited or appalled about depending on who you are and what you are into.

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Things in the first six episodes of Black Sails that you may or may not be excited or appalled about depending on who you are and what you are into:

  • A guy being crushed by a wooden ship
  • Slavery
  • Seduction of a priest
  • Um, some sort of abortion? I’m not sure
  • Strangulation by shackles
  • A guy biting another guy’s throat out
  • Death by shooting through the head
  • A larynx getting stomped
  • Drug abuse
  • Adult language
  • Stealing
  • Nudity
  • Adultery
  • Prostitution
  • So much prostitution
  • Spying on prostitutes while they work
  • 'The fuck tent'
  • Rape
  • Gang rape
  • Orgies
  • A guy falling on a bomb and being blown up so much that bits of his body get all over everyone else
  • Drowning
  • A story about a guy resting his testicles on a lady’s shoulder
  • Said lady subsequently cutting off said testicles
  • Diarrhea
  • Clouds of blood
  • Pools of blood
  • Spurts of blood
  • Lying

I don’t want to get into specific figures, but let’s just say I’m well compensated for being a social media influencer.

I don’t want to get into specific figures, but let’s just say I’m well compensated for being a social media influencer.