February 2012
5 posts
Rotund and vile.
Everyday he ate heartily, for it felt that he was making progress. The food kept him alive, what could possibly be wrong about such a situation? It wouldn’t be until many months later that he realized the food was making him fat. Rotund and vile. Undesired by the opposite sex. This would be his ultimate dilemma. Eat to live and be merry, or starve to fuck and live in an equally satisfying...
Swipe the Linen: John Vieira's Home Screen →
Thanks to Swipe the Linen for featuring my iPhone home screen today. Pretty great.
Click through and check out the site. I dig seeing what applications people use most often.
swipethelinen:
January 2012
9 posts
Seeing past solipsism to better.
Three years ago a close friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer. Somewhere between two years and six and nine months ago, his left calf was mostly removed to make sure that his entire cancerous tumor went with it. It was unclear if he’d be able to run again. Two years ago, he ran a marathon. One year ago, he ran 35 miles on mud trails. On Saturday, he biked 103 miles over snowy mountain...
Worse that it was ostensibly a movie for women
From: [Redacted]
To: John Vieira
Subject: Bridesmaids
Have you seen the movie Bridesmaids? (It’s okay to admit you’ve seen it… it’s a funny one).
From: John Vieira
To: [Redacted]
Subject: Bridesmaids
Not only have I seen Bridesmaids, but I saw it on opening night. There was a group of girls dressed up as bridesmaids and they had me take a picture of them with their tiny pocket camera. It felt...
Life Vegas
Insights and observations from a first visit to Las Vegas:
1. What is with the countless opportunities to ‘shoot a real machine gun’? I understand that Vegas is supposed to be the land of iniquity, but it just seemed sort of weird that shooting a machine gun was perhaps the main thing I saw advertised.
2. There were some extravagant things we did that I really enjoyed (hello neon...
There were no menswear blogs to bother me.
I’m about two weeks in to my four month homeowner experiment and this doesn’t have much to do with owning a home, and more about proximity, but I’m finding that one of the things I miss the most about my apartment is my walks to and home from work. I’m (probably much like you) quite good at walking without thinking about it, so I could just let my mind get all ‘first...
And then the Uncharted theme song comes on and...
And then the Uncharted theme song comes on and everything feels like it’s going to be ok. You’ll play video games in your apartment and eat secret turkey sandwiches that nobody knows about because you tell the world you are a vegetarian. You’ll download Horrible Bosses from a torrent site and watch it as an excuse to eat candy even though you can barely hear the dialogue....
At some point we will all drop our iPhones and...
At some point we will all drop our iPhones and shatter the glass on the back. For some people it will be during the first week of ownership. Those people will be upset and feel that they’ve been ripped off by Apple. In a twist of irony, they’ll curse the ghost of Steve Jobs.
For other’s they won’t break their glass until the precise midpoint between when the current...
Either glorious or kind of worn out.
I often wonder how often people think about my shoes. Probably never, but maybe once in awhile when the rest of my appearance is so put together that a person’s gaze makes it all the way past my lazy eye and crooked nose, over my rumpled shirt and unbuttoned fly, by my bulging stomach and the mustard stain on my bulge-free crotch to make it down to my shoes which are either glorious or kind...
December 2011
8 posts
He worried.
He worried about his career and his future and if he would ever fall in love with a woman enough to want to marry her. He worried about his mother when she was sick and his brother when he got fired. He worried about who would be the next president of the United States and how it would change the economy.
But most of all he worried: what if that last tweet was the best thing he would ever write?...
How to be 26
How to be 26 years old:
1. Act responsibly sometimes.
2. Act irresponsibly sometimes.
3. Feel very anxious about things you did when you were acting irresponsibly.
4. Notice your eyesight getting worse and your achilles tendons aching.
5. Keep playing video games.
Unread Message
I have this email in my inbox that refuses to be marked as read. I’ve read it probably five times at this point. In fact, it’s not even a message to me, but a tentative acceptance of a meeting I’m holding this afternoon. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to mark it as read. I’m worried about this means, both for my present and for my future. What if having a red...
Not Clooney's Pig
I went to Storybook Lane at Alpenrose Dairy with my mom for her birthday yesterday. There was a pot bellied pig kind of curled up in a pile of hay. I asked the volunteer lady if I could pet him. “No,” she said, “He’s kind of sick. One of the volunteers from yesterday fed him some chocolate chip cookies.” I was disappointed and also felt sad for the pig.
The Chris Paul Trade That Wasn't
I’ve had some time to think, and I’m much less incensed about this whole situation. Owners veto trades all the time, the weird part is how in this case it was David Stern to do it. He holds role as the league commissioner but also as acting Hornets owner, in this situation he was acting as the Hornets owner. But I’m going to post it anyway because I wrote almost 2,000 words.
It...
How to get some work done:
1. Find a good place to work
3. Put on your headphones
4. Turn off the fucking internet
5. Get some work done
November 2011
2 posts
It will hurt, but it won't be a serious injury.
If he doesn’t already, someday the rapper Unk will have children. They will play football. At some point one of them will be the recipient of a hard tackle. Their leg will be twisted awkwardly during the tackle. It will hurt, but it won’t be a serious injury. Unk will tell him that it will be ok. “Walk it out,” he’ll say reassuringly. Then everyone will have a good laugh about the whole thing.
In a line around my bedroom
I measure my life in running shoes. When my feet can feel the road too well, I get a new pair. It’s a new calendar page.
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I keep all of the old running shoes in a line around my bedroom. Each is a different color and model. Each one has something to say about where it spent its time running. Eventually they’re going to overtake my bedroom. I won’t be able to get out. I’ll...
October 2011
5 posts
Blink.
On Steve Jobs.
Photo by Diane Walker.
-
When Steve Jobs died, everyone wrote something about him. Lots of people wrote about how innovative he was and how many amazing things he created. Those were good and important, but the stories I enjoyed the most were the more personal memories of Steve Jobs or the ways Apple products have somehow nudged the paths of someone’s life in one way or another. A...
Nope.
This was always
“This fucker needs a new hobby,” Michael said, unknowingly quoting Blade: Trinity. He was talking about Carl and his propensity for extremely loud and incredibly poor decision making in the form of drinking to complete and unnecessary inebriation.
-
This was always going to take awhile.
September 2011
10 posts
An Increasingly Desperate Conversation With My...
(photo via woodpaneledshoes)
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Hey! How are you doing? I see you all the time but we don’t talk nearly enough. We should get some coffee and catch up. Oh, right, coffee, sensitive subject. I know, I’m sorry. - But really, I want to talk. I’ve been feeling bad. I know I haven’t treated you very well. I’ve tried, but it’s just…I really like ketchup. Yes, and...
A Look Back At When Fall Out Boy Was My Favorite...
When I was in college, for awhile at least, my favorite band was Fall Out Boy. I wouldn’t have admitted it to you then, because they were too mainstream, or poseurish, or something, for any twenty-something self-respecting forward-thinking rabble-rousing (why not?) college student to love. But I loved their music. Girls and the way they treated me or I treated them seemed like the most...
Oregon Manifest September Diary: Ziba x Signal →
I wrote another entry for our ongoing Oregon Manifest diary on Core77. Click through to read our parting thoughts. The bike is almost done, and will be shown off this weekend.
Information available
“What sort of life do I live where I spend my time debating the merits of DeAndre Jordan as compared to Nick Collison? I should be outside, here.”
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“Every time you come up here you get all profound about the natural beauty. But you’re not Thoreau, no matter how much you want to be. You’re not even trying.”
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“I have so much information available to me,...
HE PUT A RING ON IT: Important advice for being...
From the dawn of Facebook, relationship status has been a topic of ridicule and angst. Cynical opinions range from “LOL TMI” to “Who gives a flying fuck?” Should things go horribly wrong, people utilizing such status to show off their loving relationship risk having difficulty breaking things off “officially” on Facebook, often letting such status’ linger...
Redesign
I’m visually refreshing jcv.me and the Inspireblog. Giving them that certain je na se qua. Maybe. If you have any feedback please pass it along.
August 2011
9 posts
Sometimes things are
“Aren’t you upset about the way you were treated?”
“Absolutely.”
“Why don’t you do something about it?”
“What could I even do? Sometimes things are bigger than you. They are.”
“Maybe you should stop thinking like that. Stop thinking that things are bigger than you. You’re a god damn giant.”
How it feels to be upset with your kid by a guy...
Someday I might have a kid, and someday, when him/her (it?) is between 15 and 23 I bet I’ll feel like this. I won’t tell them though, because that’s probably something you don’t do as a dad. Hopefully we can play video games together.
Child,
I’m so frustrated with you. I look at you, and I see myself at your age but better. With more potential, with more...
Exclusive Peek Inside The Entourage Writers Room
Behind the closed doors of the Entourage writers room, during day one of writing season eight, this speech was given:
You guys, it’s time to write the final season and I know how we can send our show Entourage off the right way. I can’t believe this show has been going for eight years. That’s a large portion of my life that I’ve been writing for this show. I feel like...
Things In The TV Show Camelot That You Will Either...
Beheadings
Rape
Incest
Misrepresented Sex
Stabbings
Drownings
Shootings
Dying in a Fire
Torture
Sex
Nudity
Adult Situations
Sorcery
Wizardry
Adultery
Murder
Child Murder
Slicing
Death via Long Fall
Human Skewering
False Idols
Sexism
Imprisonment
Shapeshifting
Cursing
Lying
Exotic Dancing
Hearts and judge
Every night he would come home and eat microwave popcorn and read about major league baseball on the internet and be sad. Eventually that apartment came to represent popcorn and baseball and a lack of happiness. He tried to change things for himself by moving to a third floor studio in northeast. He switched sports to hockey but kept eating popcorn. Life was marginally better.
His frequent...
The Places Daily Deal Services Like Groupon Offer...
Dojos
Pottery Painting Places
Frame Stores
Frozen Yogurt Joints
Sushi Restaurants
Senior Portrait Photographers
Dentists (for teeth whitening)
Massage/Acupuncture Parlors
Spas
July 2011
6 posts
What To Say At Work About Each Weekday When It Is...
[with gusto]
Monday: Mondays are the worst!
Tuesday: At least it’s not Monday!
Wednesday: Hump day, you guys!
Thursday: It’s almost Friday!
Friday: I’m so glad it’s Friday!