I had planned to write several thousand words about the tragedy of Kinect Star Wars for Xbox 360. I was going to articulate the discomfort I have with Han Solo, Lando and golden bikini-clad Leia being placed into a mini dance-game where each air humps to top 40 pop songs remixed to include Star Wars lyrics. I intended to tactically express how my childhood, my adolescence and my early and current adulthood have all been ruined by this betrayal of the Star Wars that I care about and hold dear. I was going to hold up both the first and second installment of the Force Unleashed as false hope that Star Wars had found itself back on a path that doesn’t lead towards Watto outfits for toddlers. A path that would finally make that Rebel Alliance crest a cool tattoo for me to get on my left forearm. One that would make women swoon when they saw me with such a tattoo as I stood rail thin, unkempt and smoking a cigarette outside of an almost certainly dangerous dive bar. It was my intention to make charts and graphs that proved beyond a shadow of doubt that one could draw a straight line from the Ewok pajama jam at the end of Jedi to fucking Jar Jar Binks to Jake Lloyd and Pod Racing and younglings right through LEGO Star Wars and that novel about an Ewok fighter pilot directly to Han Solo shaking his tailfeather to a song called “I Ain’t No Hologram Girl”.

That was my plan, but I decided not to write about such things.

At this point in his life, his defining achievement was a tumblr post that received over one thousand (1,000) notes. Most of those were reblogs, which he was especially proud of as he values those much more than likes. It wasn’t until several decades later that this accomplishment would be replaced as his defining accomplishment by another ambiguous measure of popularity on an entirely different social network.