An Increasingly Desperate Conversation With My White T-Shirt

(photo via woodpaneledshoes)

Hey! How are you doing? I see you all the time but we don’t talk nearly enough. We should get some coffee and catch up. Oh, right, coffee, sensitive subject. I know, I’m sorry.
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But really, I want to talk. I’ve been feeling bad. I know I haven’t treated you very well. I’ve tried, but it’s just…I really like ketchup. Yes, and tomato soup. Ok and popsicles. Are they more important than you? No, of course not. Never! So why then? Well, sometimes I just get caught up in the moment. And they’re so good. God, they’re all so good. Ok ok sorry, I won’t talk like that. But do you see? I just get so caught up. And I forget about your needs, about when not to touch you. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
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What? How you used to look? Don’t ever say that! I know you gave up so much to be with me. And yeah, I guess you used to have fewer stains, fewer holes. Sure, maybe you were a little bit less stretched out. You’re a little bit softer now, maybe a bit less crisp. But nobody notices those things unless you point them out. I really like the way you look. Here. Now. You feel just right on me.
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Do I notice those other, newer white t-shirts out there? I guess. I see them. But they aren’t you. You’re a v-neck. I love that. You’ve got that tag. All the other white t-shirts these days, they are all tag-less. Call me old fashioned if you want, society, but I prefer a tag.
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Will you just stay with me? Please. I’m going to change. Here is what I promise: From here on out, I’ll use a napkin. Every single time. No more worrying about where my hands have been or what might be on them. I’ll wash you with like colors. Nothing blue, nothing black, and definitely nothing red. I’m done with all of that stuff. I swear. Hell, I’ll even bleach you. I would do that for you.
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And how about this? I’ll never throw you on the floor again. I’ll fold you no matter what. It will be like when I first got you. Remember that? Remember how great that was? It wasn’t that long ago. It could be like that again.
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So let’s try. We have to at least try. I’ve been inside you so many times. You owe me this much. Please.