About

John C. Vieira is a curious man. He enjoys looking for insight and trying to understand the world around him. John is a copywriter by trade and spends his days making words and brands for a design consultancy in Portland. He is interested in reading, writing, video games, science, clarity and running. If he were melted cheese, he would be fundue.


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August 31, 2011
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Behind the closed doors of the monthly meeting of the Multnomah Club executive planning board. Present: 20 caucasian men in ill-fitting suits, none under the age of 70. “Alright gents, next order of business. We need to plan our scheduled classes for this month. Who’s got something for me?” “Well, baby boot camp is always popular.” “Ha, women stuff. I don’t even begin to understand the mindset of a new mother who is probably more than 45 years younger than me, but they seem to love that baby boot camp shit. Do they really think it’s anything like the military? Crazy broads. BOOK IT. What else?” “Young people seem to enjoy, let’s just say, non-traditional ways of getting fit. Like yoga and pilates (and yogalates).” “That is some bullshit. Who the fuck thinks they can stretch their way to a 32 inch waist? Eat more steak, take the stairs and spend some time on the heavy bag. Your pants will fit great in no time. I can’t believe they pay us for these classes. BOOK IT.” “Ok, here’s a new one. It’s a backflip clinic for adults.” “What the fuck did you just say to me?” “Ah, uh, it’s a backflip clinic. For adults.” “What kind of adult has the time or the interest to learn something as useless as that?” “Well, one member certainly will be there.” “What sort of asshole member do we have that would go sincerely go to that class?” “Let’s see, I have his name right here: John Vieira.” “God damn him. … … BOOK IT.” - Sometimes something seems so incredibly tailored for me, that I have no explanation beyond solipsism. When I was at a Bar Mitzvah in middle school, I kneed myself in the eye attempting to do a backflip. I earned a black eye and was worried nobody would dance with me that night. When I was in high school I spent months learning to do cartwheels and handstands just because they seemed like cool tricks that I should know how to do. Basically, COUNT ME IN FOR THE ADULT BACKFLIP CLINIC.

Behind the closed doors of the monthly meeting of the Multnomah Club executive planning board. Present: 20 caucasian men in ill-fitting suits, none under the age of 70.

“Alright gents, next order of business. We need to plan our scheduled classes for this month. Who’s got something for me?”

“Well, baby boot camp is always popular.”

“Ha, women stuff. I don’t even begin to understand the mindset of a new mother who is probably more than 45 years younger than me, but they seem to love that baby boot camp shit. Do they really think it’s anything like the military? Crazy broads. BOOK IT. What else?”

“Young people seem to enjoy, let’s just say, non-traditional ways of getting fit. Like yoga and pilates (and yogalates).”

“That is some bullshit. Who the fuck thinks they can stretch their way to a 32 inch waist? Eat more steak, take the stairs and spend some time on the heavy bag. Your pants will fit great in no time. I can’t believe they pay us for these classes. BOOK IT.”

“Ok, here’s a new one. It’s a backflip clinic for adults.”

“What the fuck did you just say to me?”

“Ah, uh, it’s a backflip clinic. For adults.”

“What kind of adult has the time or the interest to learn something as useless as that?”

“Well, one member certainly will be there.”

“What sort of asshole member do we have that would go sincerely go to that class?”

“Let’s see, I have his name right here: John Vieira.”

“God damn him.

…

…

BOOK IT.”

-

Sometimes something seems so incredibly tailored for me, that I have no explanation beyond solipsism. When I was at a Bar Mitzvah in middle school, I kneed myself in the eye attempting to do a backflip. I earned a black eye and was worried nobody would dance with me that night. When I was in high school I spent months learning to do cartwheels and handstands just because they seemed like cool tricks that I should know how to do.

Basically, COUNT ME IN FOR THE ADULT BACKFLIP CLINIC.